I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
