if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
