even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
