i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
