just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
