Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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