tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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