My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
