Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
