I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
God, I missed his penis.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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