I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
