there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
