My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
