Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
