I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
