2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
