Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize