Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
