you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
