so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
