I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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