I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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