I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
