would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
