I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
