time to smoke my breakfast
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
