well you can't waste a boner
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
