Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize