you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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