You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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