First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
