i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
