i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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