and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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