I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
