Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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