Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
