mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
