I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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