The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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