Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm always down for nudity.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
