"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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