I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
