i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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