I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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