Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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