He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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