doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
