Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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