i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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