the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
