He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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