Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's blow job season.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
