the condom got lost in my hair
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
