you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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