We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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