in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
