Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
