I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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