this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
